Needy Can Be Creepy

Let’s have a word about the business equivalent of texting “hey, just wondering if you saw my last message?” five times in a row.

It's not attractive in dating, and it's certainly not attractive in business.

Needy is creepy. There, I said it. And if you’re a lawyer trying to build a client base, you need to tattoo this phrase somewhere visible (mentally, please—not suggesting actual ink unless you're very committed to the cause).

The Psychology of Pursuit

Here’s the thing: humans are wired to recoil from desperation. Whether you’re pitching a date or a deal, the chase is far more appealing than the cling.

And in business—especially in professional services like law—the vibe matters.

Clients don’t want someone begging for their work. They want someone who doesn’t need their work but will take it on because there is a relationship of trust and mutual understanding of each others professional reputation. That’s the energy of an expert.

(Think of it like this: would you trust a surgeon who says, “Please pick me, I really need this operation”? Or the one who says, “Happy to help if I’m the right fit for you—my schedule’s tight but let’s see if we can make it work”?)

Exactly.

The Client Dance

Let me paint you a scenario. You meet a potential client at a networking event. You have a great chat and the next day you follow up with an email.

So far, so good.

They don’t respond.

Now what?

If your instinct is to email again and tell them how great you were in your last case, or send an article that mentions your ‘win’, or how great your relationship is with their boss/ client — pause.

This is not a hostage negotiation. This is business development. And in business development, silence is not a signal to go louder.

It's a signal to wait and think a little more about your audience.

What works better than neediness: value.

When you position yourself as someone who understands their challenges, offers genuine insight, and shows up with quiet confidence—not an outstretched hand—you attract work. Confidence feels safe.

Let your expertise and presence do the promotion. Send them a thoughtful article - about their challenges or area of interest - not how great you are. Comment on something they’ve done. Show up in their world. With no expectations.

Because when they are ready—and they will be—they won’t be reaching out to the person who kept pestering them.

They’ll be reaching out to the one who felt trustworthy, credible, and… emotionally low maintenance. Just like dating!

Build Relationships

I know you want to build your practice. I know you’re trying to hit your numbers, grow your client base, make Partner, conquer the universe. But relationships—real ones—don’t come from pushy persistence. They come from presence, patience, and professionalism.

So instead of following up again on that email from last week, how about:

• Sending a note with zero agenda: “Saw this and thought of you. Hope all is going well.”

That is how you stay visible without being a visibility hazard.

Pro tip - stop writing at that point. I know it’s tempting to say you’re available if they need any help, but don’t! Thats all implied. When you say it, there is a risk of giving the impression the email was all about you.

In the world of client development, it’s simple: be the prize, not the punter. Show up with value. Trust in your expertise.

The title says it all!