If I asked you how you're perceived by others would you answer with confidence or hope nobody actually told you? (Absolutely no judgement either way!) A few years ago, I worked with a partner who genuinely believed he was one of the most supportive people in his team. He cared about his people and wanted them to succeed. When he told you his door was always open, he truly meant it. The problem? Nobody on his team agreed. His intentions were excellent. His impact was something entirely different. In his mind, he was helping. In theirs, he was dismissive, impatient and impossible to approach. No-one experiences your intentions. They experience your words, tone, reactions and behaviour. They experience what it feels like to work with you. I know I speak about this a lot and I appreciate you sticking with me. External self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves as others see us. It’s often far rarer than internal self-awareness as it requires us to understand something we can't directly see: the effect we have on other people. Most of us spend our lives inside our own heads. We know our motives, intentions, pressures, insecurities and reasoning. We rarely get access to anyone else's internal experience of us. This creates several challenges: Others judge us by our behaviour. Most filter to avoid conflict or upset. Ironically, the people with the greatest influence often receive the least accurate feedback. The brain naturally looks for evidence that confirms the story we already tell ourselves. Psychologists call this the "false consensus effect.” But other people are viewing us through their own experiences, personalities and expectations. A useful distinction: Internal self-awareness asks, Why did I do that? External self-awareness asks, How did that land? That's a much harder question because it requires curiosity, humility and accepted feedback from others. Careers are rarely limited by what we know about ourselves. They can be limited by what everyone else knows about us that we don't. If you feel this is an area for improvement, get in touch. We’d love to hear from you. You’re doing great! Michelle
|
